I never expected to go through a divorce. On my wedding day, I really thought it was a lifetime commitment that would weather the ups and downs that all relationships experience. I grew up in a single mom household and so did my ex-husband. We both knew we didn’t want that for our own child, but we still ended up there. It wasn’t an easy decision to come to and I spent years preparing myself for it and trying to just accept things for how they were, rather than what expectations I may have had.
In the end, we parted ways and used mediation to amicably end our marriage and start new lives of our own. It was a much better option than both of us hiring our own attorneys and battling it out in court. I’m grateful for that. In recognizing that I was headed on the path of becoming a single mom, I found out what was really important in life. Here’s what I would tell any other mom going through this:
Find yourself some close friends!
This was the first lesson I had to learn. It was in an unexpected session of my book club, discussing What Alice Forgot when I broke down in tears as I explained my thoughts on the book to my group of friends, and how it related to my current circumstances. I was lost and after having so many conversations with myself in my head, it felt good to finally open up to trusted friends. I encourage you to find a trusting and loving friend who you can also open up to.
Find yourself some interesting hobbies!
This was an easy lesson for me to embrace, though it took me down a path I never would have expected – fitness. When I needed something to put my energy into or to help me check out or to assist with getting my anger out, I ran. Pounding the pavement in a pair of running shoes and an interesting podcast always gave me 30 minutes to devote to myself, which might not seem like a lot of time but when you’re a busy mom, it’s almost like a real vacation. I encourage you to also find some hobby or interest to embrace now that it’s up to you to remember what you’re interested in!
Find yourself some good books!
I can’t sing the praises of Brene Brown enough! She has been there for me when I’ve gone through some of the toughest times in my life. She’s a researcher of shame and guilt and she’s mastered teaching others to own their stories and move on to the bigger things that we were meant for. In addition to loading up on self-help books, checking out with some good contemporary fiction was just what I needed too. I was so inspired that I even wrote a book of my own! I encourage you to find books that can help you through the tough times and then share your own story!
Find yourself a good therapist!
Please, trust me on this one, even if you’re skeptical. There is something so powerful about helping yourself by talking about the hard things that you’re too embarrassed or angry to talk about. In sharing these hard truths, you come to find how to help yourself and a true understanding of what’s best for you. It really is you helping yourself through the assistance of a trained professional that works as an amazing listener and the insight to be able to help you find the path to healing and growing. I encourage you to also find a therapist that you can open up to in order to grow.
Find activities to enjoy with your child!
This is the time to focus on yourself, but also to focus on the special one on one relationship you have with your child. Things will be very different for your child now that they are sharing their time between two households, but that doesn’t mean that different has to be bad. Make your time together special and make that the norm. Embrace their interests and share your own to broaden both of your horizons. Be adventurous and try something new. This is the person who made you a mother and that’s a bond that will last a lifetime. It’s up to you how that time is spent. I encourage you to spend it wisely.
For more helpful suggestions on Ways for Single Mothers to Cope After Divorce, check out my post on the Zulily blog!
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