When I first left the hospital with my brand new baby boy, I wanted to let the doctors and nurses in on a little secret that I had no idea what I was doing. I read the books that naive new parents are supposed to read. We had all the things I was told a new baby needs at home. I made milk in abundance all myself, so I figured I was set.
The reality was that I still had no idea what I was doing and that’s when I learned the little secret that NO PARENT ON EARTH knows what they’re doing. We’re all just figuring it out as we go. If I had a parenting style, that would be it – Darwin’s survival of the fittest. I can hardly remember the first six months of my son’s life. I was in such a fog of sleeplessness and what I can only assume was postpartum depression that went undiagnosed because I didn’t think I had the privilege to make myself a focus at that time in my life as a new mother. The sad truth is that I’m certain this happens more than we are aware.
Creating a Bedtime Routine for Newborns
One of the rules JT’s dad and I had agreed to as new parents was have our son sleep in his own room starting on day 1. We did it. It was actually a pretty easy decision to make and to implement and it’s just about the only piece of actual parenting advice I willingly give out.
I’ve had countless sleep deprived friends and family members come to me and ask how on Earth I ever got my son to fall asleep in his own room. The answer: he didn’t know any better. Sure, it sucked for me to have to wake up several times throughout the night to walk in the cold, dark hallway to his room to feed him, but it ended up being well worth it in the long run. He is now a very independent 8 year old who sleeps well and easily in a room of his own.
Creating a bedtime routine is essential for babies and children of any age, in order to provide them with the appropriate structure and skills for sleeping success. When JT was a baby, his bedtime routine consisted of a bath and then a gentle baby massage with lotion to keep his skin soft, and calm him for the evening before putting on his pajamas, reading a book, and nursing one last time for the night. Once he finished nursing, I swaddled him tight and laid him in the center of the crib, turned off the light, turned on the humidifier and a lullaby CD to drown out any noises and lull him to sleep.
Continuing a Bedtime Routine in Childhood
As JT got older, the bedtime routine changed to adapt to his age. Rather than swaddling, he preferred to be tucked in tightly with his soft blanket. Bathtime has been replaced with him showering himself and brushing his own teeth before bed. We share the reading time before bed now, he gets 30 minutes of quiet reading time to himself before bed and then I come in shortly before bedtime and read with him for about 10 minutes.
The lullaby music kept playing until he was old enough to speak up and ask for something else so it was replaced by a kid-friendly Spotify channel for a couple years. He currently uses a white noise machine but has also used a box fan in his room to keep him cool, though that may have also been causing him nosebleeds in the morning. Additionally, he has a stuffie to snuggle with and nightlights in all the available sockets in his room, since he admits he doesn’t like to be in the dark.
Sleep didn’t come easily for either of us right away though. JT didn’t sleep through the night until he finished nursing at 18 months old. It was a long year and a half for myself as well, not having a full night of uninterrupted sleep that entire time. Since that moment though, it’s clear that the bedtime routine worked in creating a calm environment leading up to bedtime that allowed him to sleep through the night. These days, the only factor that negatively affects his sleep is the change in time, but I think it’s safe to assume we all experience that hardship.