I wish I always had the confidence in myself that my 8 year old son possesses at such a young age! Though he has been taught in his taekwondo lessons that confident kids get picked on less by bullies, he already seemed to have that mastered before stepping foot in the class. It’s not so much the self-defense skills learned, but the social skills and the art of role-playing that will make kids less likely to become a bully’s next victim.
So what’s that skill?!
The greatest tool in my parenting toolbelt is the gift of gab. JT and I talk nonstop about anything and everything. I laugh heartily at his silly jokes and offer him support when he seems to be struggling in a difficult moment. He asks me impossible questions like, “What’s your favorite song/movie/food?” or “What’s the biggest mistake you’ve ever made?” that keep me thinking and searching for just the right answer. JT is a complex kid full of precociousness and energy. He leaves me stumped and exhausted most days because we talk a lot. Like a lot a lot.
The upside to all that talk is that it creates actual conversations and those create connection in our mother-son relationship. He knows that he can come to me with anything and I won’t judge or shame him. I listen and offer perspective and try to guide him on a path full of good decisions. Sometimes, just to make things fair, I go to him with questions for his guidance as well. I think he appreciates that I come to him with the questions of an adult he loves and respects.
Practice makes perfect
Back when JT was still in school last year, he asked me about bullies quite often. Perhaps it was because he had more human contact with strangers than he does now. One afternoon he told me about an incident that had happened that day. Several boys were in the bathroom together and some of them were getting pretty rowdy, standing on top of the toilets and getting loud. I took it as an opportunity to help him understand how to handle situations like that in the future.
I asked JT if he had done anything in the moment. He hadn’t because he wasn’t sure what to do.
“What’s something you could have done?” I asked him.
He thought for a little while before responding, “I could yell at them and let them know I’m telling a teacher on them.”
I nodded and agreed with him that his response was reasonable. I then offered him another suggestion, “What about if you said this to them, ‘Hey guys, this isn’t cool and I’m getting out of here,’ and then you leave the area?”
“Yeah, I can do that,” he nodded in agreement.
“That way,” I went on, “you’re letting them know that you don’t agree with what they’re doing but you’re not being confrontational about it.”
Preparing for the future
All of this conversation that we participate in now that he is an elementary school student lays the groundwork for the tougher years in middle school and high school when he might be inclined to shut down in response to emotional overstimulation or rejection by peers. It’s my goal in these early years to lay the foundation for his mighty home to be built upon.